In Praise of (Temporary) Unemployment

My son at the beach

For many months now I have been grinding away at the job search. I have been working tirelessly at networking, applying, emailing, and attending meetings and events. When I am not doing that, rest assured I am thinking about it.

In the first few months, I got dressed early in the morning and headed out – to coffee, a presentation, an interview. The days were full. So full, in fact, that I have done many, many interviews/phone meetings sitting in my car because there just wasn’t time to get home. I even did one driving between two meetings (I took unpopulated back roads).

This level of activity has made me happy. I love being productive and on the go. I feel certain that I have been doing everything in my power to find my next opportunity. And I think I am probably right. But it has also been exhausting.

Last year, when the holidays hit, I was forced to slow down. No one was hiring at the end of the year, and it seemed they were all on vacation anyway. I remember being told at the end of November that I was moving on to the next round of interviews, but that they wouldn’t be scheduled until the second week of January when everyone was back in the office. Frustrating. I wrote a post on how to survive.

Even though my calendar wasn’t as busy, my brain still was working. Every waking moment (and many of the rest) were filled with thoughts of what I needed to do next. I was starting to have more bad days than good, to feel more frustration than optimism. I felt guilty if I took some extra time to walk the dogs or hang out with the kids. I spent the entire month of December sick, and got sick again in January and February. And March.

And then a couple things happened. Nothing dramatic or even that exciting (sorry). The first was I hit the seemingly impossible 6-month mark of unemployment. The second was finally getting to the ocean, putting my feet in the water, soaking up the sun, breathing the salt air. I truly believe there is something absolutely magical about the ocean. Those two things in concert have changed my perspective.

So, while I was dutifully recording my blessings from the very start, and I was trying to take time for myself, I now realize that I never really did. I’m going to change that now, or at least try. To start, I would like to share openly some of the amazing blessings of being unemployed (for a short time I hope).

But first, some tips for you:

  1. DITCH THE GUILT – Don’t even bother with it. Sleep in and enjoy it. Don’t worry about what the world thinks. You do you.
  2. EMBRACE THE AMBIGUITY – This process of finding a job is not something you can control. Own that now and relieve yourself of hours of frustration.
  3. FIND WHAT MAKES YOU SUPER HAPPY AND GET IT ON YOUR CALENDAR NOW. LIKE RIGHT NOW. For me it was the ocean. I wish I had gone much, much sooner. 
  4. KEEP A GRATITUDE LIST AND KEEP ADDING TO IT. Review it when you feel low. Put some of it on sticky-notes around your mirror or on your desk or in your car. Share it with a friend. Share it here with me!

And now for my list. Read it for enjoyment, or maybe even for inspiration.

Here is my praise for unemployment:

1. I am meeting new people. I have met at least 100 new people, and all of them have been amazing. All of them! Sometimes our interests align well, sometimes not as well, but in every instance I have come out better for having met. I hope they have too!

2. I am catching up with old friends. The old saying about silver and gold holds true here. Old friends are pure gold. Anytime I am feeling down, I know that all I have to do is get a coffee, lunch, cocktails, or a phone call on the calendar and I’ll be right back up on my feet again.

3. The flexible schedule. I am just now learning to be grateful for this and to embrace it without guilt. The other day I took my dogs out to the woods for a long hike. And it was awesome! Another day I took a nap. In the middle of the afternoon. It was incredible! 

4. The chance to be around for my kids. At least a couple days each week, I am there when my kids get home from school. Sometimes this frustrates us all – they can’t get away with YouTube-ing away their afternoons and I lose a couple hours of “work” – but in general I think these three kids are just about the most amazing people on this Earth and I LOVE listening to their stories about the day. I even managed to bake cookies for them once!

5. The chance to explore who I am and what I really want out of life. To be honest – this one I struggle with. I sometimes feel that the longer I have, the more confused I get on this subject. I keep discovering more sides of myself I want to explore. I performed in a musical! Maybe I want to go back into singing! I’m doing quite a bit of public speaking. I love it! I’m doing some coaching. Maybe I should fully focus on building my own business. Ack! But also YES!

6. Back to the kids – I get to be the one to take them to appointments and practices and rehearsals. In the past, my husband did much of this. Now, I get the chance to support the family in this way. Plus any parent knows some of the very best conversations with your kids happen in the car.

7. I am writing. I have the space to write. And it feels so so so good. Even more, I am learning how to get the validation and productivity I crave by creating something myself. That’s pretty powerful.

8. Getting a clearer understanding of what my needs are vs. my wants. A few months ago, I would not have considered this a blessing. I was angry when a book came up and I had to fight the urge to Amazon that thing right onto my doorstep immediately. Now I have learned to enjoy the exercise of deciding – do I really need that book? Will I actually read it? What about the 24 other books I have in line ahead of this one. Is this one really more important? 

9. Finally – and I still struggle with the guilt on this one – I often get to sleep in. At least a little. My beautiful husband handles all the morning chaos, and lets me sleep. This is usually good given that sleep is hard under this much stress – many nights I don’t fall asleep until well after 2am. I will love him forever for this small, daily gift.

Unemployment is not something I would wish on anyone. I am not having a whole bunch of fun. I am not happy about my situation. It is a stressful rollercoaster that no one wants to be on. But we can get through it. By being positive. By believing that something wonderful is out there – we just need to keep working to find it. 

And in the meantime, we can find ways to enjoy the beauty and gifts we have in our lives. I am so thankful.

Stay positive, and count your blessings!

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1 Comment In Praise of (Temporary) Unemployment

  1. Julie Spugnardi

    Fantastic insights Melissa! Unemployment is a tough time but also a huge gift in so many ways. I know how frustrating it is but also how much growth happens and blessings arise when there’s space to allow them and gratitude for what is. Keep on writing and sharing, you have so much to offer!

    Reply

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