The other day I had a wonderful conversation with a colleague of mine. She had come to me for help in sorting out a particularly difficult decision she needed to make.
Together, we brainstormed some creative ways she could go about making this decision, and I thought I would share these ideas with you.
Some basic assumptions first, though:
- This was a (personal) career decision. While these ideas may very well work for other types of decisions, I am not specifically suggesting them for anything other than a personal decision.
Examples of these types of decisions: Should I take the promotion if it means I have to relocate to Texas/Iowa/Alabama? Is it time for me to switch careers? Should I take this other assignment when I think I might be getting a promotion if I just stay where I am?
- All of these ideas were likely suggested to me by the many and various wise teachers I have met during my life. Apologies for any oversight in attribution.
- Some of these things may seem a little “wacky” for the average business person. I simply ask you to give them a shot. At the very least, don’t dismiss them immediately.
Some things it is important to keep in mind when these types of decisions come up:
- It is always important that you actually make a decision. If you don’t, you give the power over to someone else (see previous post on personal accountability);
- Be sure you right-size the problem. By that I mean do not give your problem more importance than they deserve. In most cases, if the choice you make doesn’t work out, you then have the option to make another choice;
- Most of the time, we know in our gut what we should do – any of these techniques I list below will likely only function to confirm your gut instinct.
So now, the ideas! I’ll use a hypothetical situation and question to work through each suggestion:
Hypothetical Situation: I have been offered a new position within the company. It is a lateral move into an area I find interesting. I am not fully challenged in my current position, but I am concerned that there does not appear to be any upward mobility in the new area.
Question: Should I take the new position?
1. The tried-and-true method of pluses and minuses.
How this might look:
- New area offers more of a challenge
- I would be learning something new
- I am genuinely interested in the new job
- No upward mobility
- Might lose out on a promotion opportunity in current job
- Risky – I might not like the new job
2. List your values, what is most important to you in life, determine which choice best aligns with this.
How this might look:
Current (hypothetical) values:
I need to be challenged. When I am bored at work, I am miserable, and then my family is miserable. While salary and advancement are important, I believe that if I am doing something I love, the money will follow.
3. Journal. Spend some time with a notebook, journal, or computer, and simply pour all of your thoughts onto the page. Keep going. Don’t think about what you are writing, just write. Many times I find that I write myself right into the decision. If not, go back and read over what you have written, and see if you find any clues there.
Some tips on how to do this:
- Ask yourself a question, then set a timer for three minutes. Write for the full three minutes without stopping. This is important – do not stop! Do not judge what you are writing (no one else is going to read this unless you let them).
- Ask yourself the opposite question. If you started with “Why should I take this other position?” now ask yourself “Why should I not take this other position?”
- Repeat steps 1 and 2 as many times as necessary.
- Go back and underline, circle, or simply take note of what seems to rise to the surface for you.
4. The “Why” game. This works best with a journal/notebook as well. Ask yourself what decision you want to consider first and write down your answer. Follow this with the question “why”. Write that answer down, and repeat this as many times as it takes to get to the real, underlying truth.
What this looks like:
I want to stay in the position I am currently holding. Why? Because it isn’t that bad. Why? Because there is stability here. Why do I care about that? Because I have ambition and student loans to pay off.
5. Talk it out. It often helps to include movement with this – going on a walk while you talk is a great idea!
There are some very important rules for this one, and these rules are incredibly important:
- This person has to be someone you trust, someone you know will have your best interests at heart;
- This person needs to be someone who does not have a vested interest in your choice. For example, do not talk this out with your boss who might be invested in you staying put, or a colleague who might benefit if you were leave;
- This person should only ask questions to help you dig deeper, and/or repeat back what they hear you say. They should use phrases like, “What I hear you saying is….” and “It sounds like you are really feeling….” and “So why is that particular thing important?”
- This person should be patient, empathetic, open, and understanding.
6. Meditate or pray. I highly recommend guided meditations. If you do a Google search for “guided meditations for decision making,” you can find all kinds of free examples. You may need to go through a few to find one that works for you, but keep trying. Praying can also be effective, no matter what your religion. Simply focusing on your problem and then releasing it to God, the Universe, your choice of higher power, can be extremely effective.
One thing I particularly like is the Rotarian Four-Way Test. This is an ethical guide to be used in personal and professional relationships, and would be an excellent start to a mindful meditation exercise.
Of the things we think, say, or do:
- Is it the TRUTH?
- Is it FAIR to all concerned?
- Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
- Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
7. Finally, try changing your perspective.
You could do this many different ways.
- Consider the situation as if an employee was asking you for advice. What would you tell him or her?
- Take a drive. Put on some tunes. Go somewhere you have never been, or haven’t been in a long time.
- Get out into nature. Breathe deep. Ask the trees and the birds for advice. (You’ll have to answer for them, but then that’s the trick!)
- Call a friend who knew you way-back when. See what they think.
- Do a headstand. Sit on the other side of your desk. Drive home a different way. Anything to shake up that brain of yours.
- Jump on a treadmill. Try a walking meditation (Google can help here again). Or try out a new playlist.
I know there are many other things people do to help them make a big decision. What is your go-to method? I’d love to hear from you!
As always, keep it positive and smile!